First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
