New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
