Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
