its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
