Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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