This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
