We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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