I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
