I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
