you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My vagina is officially offended.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
