Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
