I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
