Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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