im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
