Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I could fuck to npr.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
