Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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