I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Randomize
