she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
