it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
