her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
