Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
