He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
