It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
this boner is exhausting
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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