just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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