The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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