There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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