If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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