just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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