Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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