apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
