so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she woke up with a sticky ear
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
