there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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