First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dear god my vagina.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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