Jerry, you need to find god
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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