My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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