help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
