non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
