Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
