Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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