Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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