Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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