4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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