You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
