so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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