btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
