Got a toothbrush?
My nipple is on Facebook.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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