Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
