I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
