You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
