im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
