Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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