If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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